Failure. It’s something we don’t like, do we? Failing a test isn’t fun. Letting someone down (failing them), isn’t fun. Failure isn’t something anyone sets out to do.

Yet, we still do.

Probably, just by reading what I’ve written, you may have had some failure come to mind. A specific instance where you failed. If you didn’t, I could probably ask you to think of something, and you could probably come up with at least some instance of failure in your life.

Failure can take all shapes and forms. No one likes it, and I’m sure we all wish we could avoid it. Some failures, however, in the long run are very small. Not all failure leads to guilt. But one area of failure in particular, sin, does lead to guilt. Often tremendous guilt.

I’ve had several late nights lately. In the past 7 days now, I have had three nights I’ve gone to bed after am. James doesn’t do that. Not even for homework. But get me in a good conversation, and I’ll stick around. And my conversations, and just my life, have got me thinking. Something I do a lot of.

I will venture a guess that if you thought any about your failures, while there may be plenty of ‘every day’ failings (maybe not doing well on a test, being insensitive, etc), something bigger than that probably came to your mind. What that failing actually is probably different for each individual. But universally I feel fairly safe in guessing that most people have failed in some way that they feel incredible guilt for. At least I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t feel that way.

It’s not the kind of conversation that comes up often. But either directly or indirectly, I have yet to meet a person who doesn’t seem to have some area of life they truly feel like a failure in. Not just a mistake: A failure.

It could be a lot of different things, but a very common one is in the area of sexuality. Maybe not for everyone, but I’m going to guess again here and say that most people deal with, or at the very least have dealt with, guilt for something in the area of sexuality. That could mean 101 different things, but it comes to a core issue.

As a side note, (for this really ought to have its own note) I think this is for two reasons: one, our sexuality is such an intertwined part of our existence, that a sexual sin really is a “sin against yourself”. But also, the Christian culture promotes the idea of sexual purity—save yourself for marriage. I’m all for that, but I think it has a major downside in the way it’s talked about. No one ever talks about healthy sexuality, only the ‘list’ of things you can or can’t do. As a result, I think we have this idea that our sexuality is like a piece of paper. Every failing, every sin, is like ripping a piece of that paper off. And if that is what our sexuality is like, it means that every piece of paper is ripped forever. It’s damaged. Forever.

And so, if you feel like you’ve sinned sexuality, you probably also feel like you are no longer ‘whole’.

Like you’ve given away a piece of your heart. A piece of paper.

And you probably feel like you will never get that back. Even though you know you are forgiven, you feel like you have made a mistake that cannot really be redeemed. Forgiven yes, redeemed no. You feel as though a part of you will never be right.

And that’s hard. How do you even share something like that? What would people think of you if they knew? After all, you are the only person who has ever made a mistake like that—or are you?

Do we become so isolated in our guilt, that we close that area of our life off? I think we do. We are afraid of it. It’s ugly. It doesn’t matter what it is, it seems like a blackness that borders on unpardonable. It seems like something that no ‘Christian’ should deal with. Yet we do. And not just a few people, I think most people do.

I don’t think that’s the idea God has. Yes, it is sin, and sometimes it is ugly. But to treat yourself as less-than-whole is to do a disservice to God, and the redemption he works in our lives. To act as though you are a piece of paper, and your failure ripped that paper apart in a way that can never be repaired, is wrong. And here is what that kind thinking does: it opens the door to guilt. And guilt gives the enemy a tool to remind you of your shortcomings

And if the enemy has a tool to ‘beat over your head’, he will do it.

So why give him the tool in the first place?

Why not recognize that God has promised forgiveness, but redemption. Freedom. It means we don’t have to be guilty. It means we aren’t a piece of paper, with a huge tear in us.

I think a better image is that of a scar. A scar, as we are all well aware, starts as some kind of wound. I have a small scar on one of my fingers. I remember to this day how I got it. There was a piece of coral in one of the bathrooms of my house. It was right next to an electrical outlet, and I was unplugging a radio. In the process of unplugging the radio, I ran my finger across the coral and was left with a deep, bleeding gash. It hurt, a lot. It was one of those cuts that was really small, and compared with the wounds some people get, it was insignificant, but man it hurt! For several days, I know I was painfully aware of the qualities of coral.

I don’t feel pain on that finger anymore. It’s healed. But guess what, I have a scar there. I don’t remember exactly when that event happened, but it was at least 5 years ago, if not longer. Some scars go away, but I don’t think this one is going to. It’s small, but I know it’s there. Some scars even still hurt at times. My finger doesn’t hurt very often on that scar, but every once in a while it does. If my hands are really cold, or hot, I can sometimes feel a specific pain in that scar. Most people with scars probably are aware of this.

I think that image of a scar is much better than paper. You are a whole person, even with scars. Scars, generally, don’t keep you going about life in any way. But they are still there. Guys like to talk about their scars. I don’t think at the time the wound is something that people go, “Oh that is going to be an awesome scar!” No, it hurts. But as the years go by, and all that’s left is a scar, it often becomes a story.

A story.

What if failure became a story?

What if it already has? By experiencing failure, we also are a part of the greatest Story.

It’s here that, guess what, I have a song I’d like to share. It’s actually a little older, by Steven Curtis Chapman. If you have related to this in any way, I’d like you to listen to it. The only place I can find it is one youTube video: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkupxMAzlnM). It’s not great quality, but listen anyway. And read the lyrics.

Was God smiling when He spoke the word and made the world?
And did He cry about the flood?
What does God’s voice sound like when He sings, when He’s angry?
These are just a few things that the angels have on me

Well, I can’t fly at least not yet
I’ve got no halo on my head
And I can’t even start to picture heaven’s beauty
But I’ve been shown the Savior’s love
The Grace of God has raised me up
To show me things the angels long to look into
And I know things the Angels only wish they knew

I have seen the dark and desperate place where sin will take you
I’ve felt loneliness and shame
And I have watched the blinding light of grace
Come breaking through with a sweetness only tasted
By the forgiven and redeemed

And someday I’ll sit down with my angel friends
Up in heaven
And they’ll tell me about Creation
And I’ll tell them a story of Grace

Well, I can’t fly at least not yet
I’ve got no halo on my head
And I can’t even start to picture heaven’s beauty
But I’ve been shown a Savior’s love
The Grace of God has raised me up
To show me things the angels long to look into
And I know things the Angels only wish they knew

Through our sin, ugly as it is, we have a great gift. Yes, it’s hard. It’s painful. There are things we wish we could change and do differently. We’ve failed. But because of those failures, we can see something truly awesome. Grace.

In our broken state, the only thing we can cling to is God. We have seen the desperate and lonely place were sin leads. But we’ve also seen something far better. We have seen the blinding light of grace come in and meet us right where we are at. I like how the song puts it, “a sweetness only tasted by the forgiven and redeemed.”

Just think about that a bit.

We’ve been show the love of God, in a very personal way. In way, though I wish I was free from failure, I don’t know how else I’d want it. Yes, I’ve made mistakes. Big mistakes. I’ve dealt with guilt, I’ve dealt with sin. And, most likely, that won’t change this side of Glory. But, through that pain, I am left with something that is utterly amazing. For in the depth of my depravity, I can see something that can only be seen because of that depravity. And though I wish I hadn’t failed, if that’s what seeing the love of God mean, I wouldn’t trade that. In the ugliness of my sin, I am left with something utterly beautiful.
I am left with a story.