You are browsing the Blog for friendship - eirejames.com.

← Previous Entries
avatar

Looking at Loss

December 21, 2009 in Reflections on Grief

Tell someone you just lost your mother, and immediately you’ll have more notes, hugs, and sympathy than you know what to do with. It is good and it is needed. I find it interesting that, though people may not have experienced the same thing, universally people understand how hard it is to lose someone you love.

I think some people assume I must be having an incredibly difficult time in the wake of my mother’s death. Certainly, it is hard, but I think I’ve laughed more than I have cried in the days since her parting. The day I found out, several people told me that they thought they were more emotional about it than I was. How can someone learn of the lose of their mother, a very close friend, and that same day turn around and genuinely laugh and smile?

The shortest and most simple answer is the peace of God. Without God, I know my perspective on everything would be incredibly different. God promises peace, and he gives it generously to those who ask for it. It probably sounds cliché to the reader, but in a way I can’t even begin to describe it; in the most difficult time of my life, God has been there.

Christians know of God’s promise to never leave or forsake us, but I think at times it is easy to feel left and forsaken. In an hour where it would be very easy to feel that God has forsaken me, I have found instead that God is closer than ever. In Him I have joy, and that joy isn’t dependent on circumstances. I’ve always hoped and believed that it would be there through the darkest storms, and now I know it can be. I may have lost my mother, but my joy did not depart with her.

But perhaps another part of my grief, is understanding that there are two ways of looking at it.

On the one hand, it would be very easy to look at the death of my mother and feel cheated and robbed. No twenty year old should lose there mother; I think most people believe that intuitively. It can be very easy to start remembering my mom, and then start looking at all the lost opportunities. My future, my career, marriage—should I be so blessed, children, the lessons I learn, the people I know; there is so much that she’ll never get to see or talk about. Yes, it is very hard to think about those things, and it can create a feeling of being robbed.

On the other hand, and the view I choose to ascribe to as best I can, I can remember my mom’s life and all of the good memories with her. As I have remembered, talked about her, looked at family photos, and the home she created, I know so well how blessed I was to call her ‘mom’.

I suppose I’m biased, but she was an incredible woman. It was the love of a gracious God that allowed my life to not only intersect with hers, but to be shaped by it in the way only the role of ‘mother’ can shape a child. There are reminders of her motherly love everywhere I turn, and rather than be frustrated by the loss, I rejoice in the great gift I was given in a mother. In some ways, I can’t even feel sorrow knowing how much I really had.

Certainly, it is easy to say I lost so much; and I did. But by that very same token, I had so much. For whatever reason, God chose to make that relationship end earlier than most mother-son relationships do. But I am intensely grateful that even as brief as that time was, it was good time.

Some people don’t even get to know their parents, some people live in broken homes, and some have parents who don’t love their children as they should. To me that seems the greater loss. I may not have had a long relationship with my mother, but the years I did have were good years. I’m thankful for that, and that every time I remember her, it will be with a smile and a laugh, because that was who she was. I won’t have the pain of a lifelong relational wound whenever I think of her.

Ultimately I don’t really like using the word ‘loss’ or ‘death’ since because of the sacrifice of Christ, my mother’s death was really only a temporary separation. It is a loss only in that I must live these few short years on earth without the present-ness of my mother’s relationship. And to that, I can only say, I truly had so much. I have not lost, but gained; for now I can say that even though she is no longer here, my relationship with her is better than before. It may sound strange, but I appreciate her now even more than I did a year ago. I’ve always know I was blessed to call her mother, but I see that now more than ever in her absence. That too is a gift, for since I will see her again, I can give her an even bigger hug, and say “I’m so glad to see you mother.”

I’ll shed my tears, and I’ll have my sorrows, but it is only a reminder of what a gift I had. To my God, I am thankful for the beautiful years with my mother. To my mother, I am thankful for the love and care she showed. And to my friends and family, I’m thankful for the incredible support you have shown me. Yes, I have not lost, but gained. I truly have so much, and for that, my tears are tears of gratitude and joy.

What do you have?

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
1 Comment »

avatar

The Words of my Mouth

August 10, 2009 in Devotional Thoughts

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.”
Psalm 19:14

If God were to audit you speech, what would he find? Would your words be pleasing to Him? This year words and speech have been on my heart a lot. The scripture says a lot about our words and our speech, but I wonder how seriously we take that sometimes. Gossip, complaints, words against our brothers and sisters in Christ, cruel jokes, unkind speech…these are all things I have heard come from the lips of Christians, and from my own lips. How sad it is that we fill our thoughts and words with these things!

This is a blog I have been intending to write for some time now, but keep putting it off because I keep finding new things that relate to this subject, and I keep wrestling with it myself. So instead of writing one blog on the topic, and trying to say everything (which for me would result in a small book, considering how wordy I am) I have instead decided to devote a category of my blog to “The Importance of Words.” Here I intend to post scriptures and stories that relate to this. I believe this is critically important to our Christian walk, and I for one want to look at it more closely.

I want to quote James 3:9-12 to start this “series” off. It really struck me what he says concerning the words that we speak about others.

“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.”

I believe that “cursing” isn’t just speaking a spiritual curse over someone, as a witch might do. I’ve always read verses on cursing as meaning something along those lines, a curse; a spell. But what if it was more than just that, what if it were any negative word we spoke? What if our grumblings against other people, especially other Christians, was the same as cursing them? What if our thoughts about others were just as powerful as our words?

Ouch.

If then, that is what God means when he says not to curse one another, we ought to take this seriously. Our mouths praise God, and our mouths speak words against our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. When we speak against other people, we are speaking against a person made in the likeness of Almighty God. As James says, “This should not be.”

Judgment lies in the hands of God, not ours. I don’t believe this means to never say anything against the actions of another person, or that a wrong should not be addressed. Sometimes it is good to note how one might handle a situation differently than another person did, and sometimes a situation needs to be corrected. But we must be careful to distinguish between learning and gossip. Too often I think this type of conversation, “I don’t think So-and-So did that right” becomes just plain gossip and grumbling. One example I have heard among many single people is grumbling against dating couples—something I too have done. Though I have been hurt by decisions others have made, I want in no way to let that become grumbling: cursing, as James puts it. My heart has held onto decisions of others at times, and I have criticized in my heart and in my words them for those decisions long after it was the appropriate time to do so.

This type of thinking nearly brought some friendships to a close for me. I became guarded as I saw others doing things I didn’t like, and that in some cases hurt me. I also let lies form in my mind, comparing past actions to present, and concluding things that lead me from desiring friendship. I held onto old hurts, that though forgiven, I was unwilling to completely let go of. Things that happened in one friendship started to affect how I saw all of my friendships. Of course, when you are hurt, you become guarded—not always a good thing. Coupled with my struggles with loneliness, it became a potent combination that became close to terminating many good friendships with good people. God thankfully stopped me in that process, and healed that in my life.

That is why this is such a crucial area of our lives.

By allowing words and thoughts to crop up about others—by allowing ourselves to “curse” them—we foster something we do not want. It opens the door to hurt friendships—because you are speaking negative, hurtful words about others. It opens the door to lies—because you start to believe more and more lies about the people you are speaking about. It prevents you from seeing the good in their lives—because you become focused on their faults. It does not edify, but rather it destroys and tears down, at the expense of an image bearer of the Most High God.

They may seem like trivial, harmless words to you, but they are not harmless. Words are a powerful weapon that can be used for good or for evil; for life or for death. God takes words very seriously. We call the scriptures the Word of God. God spoke the world into existence. His words are powerful, and so are ours. We should guard ourselves then, with the words—and thoughts—that we speak. To do otherwise is to add a heavy weight to our spiritual walk. It hinders our ability to walk the Christian walk, something that should frighten us.

I for one do not want to let both praise and cursing come from my mouth. There is no place for it in my life, according to scripture. Certainly even though I have been working on this area for a while, I am not perfect. But by the grace and love of Christ, I hope to change. And I challenge you to pray about the words you speak. Ask God to show you what you are saying that is right, and what you are saying that is “cursing.” Ask Him to come and change your heart and your words. It’s time to grow up as Christians, and build each other up instead of tearing down. Let us consider the weight of all our words, and change our speech accordingly. It is critically important to our Christian walk.

May He find the words of your mouth, the meditations of your heart, and the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart pleasing to Him.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
No Comments »

avatar

The Questions I am Asking.

February 14, 2009 in My Life

What is a friendship worth to you?

Are the people you hang out with important to you, and if so, how do you show that value to them?

I’m a question guy. I spend much of my life thinking about questions, and what the answers to those questions could be. Today, even, someone saw me and asked if I was doing alright. Apparently I looked depressed; I wasn’t, I had just finished a class that covered some of the Holocaust. So I was thinking. Pulling themes from that, books I’ve read lately, and current life. Anyway, nothing to smile over, but I personally was doing fine. Digression aside, my point is that I seem to come up with a lot of questions as I cogitate my life, and what goes on around me.

Continual topic of questions: friendships, and people.

Last week, I people watched. I also blogged about it. Summary: basically I sat in the caf for a good 45 minutes to an hour, in the middle of a high-traffic area, and only three people acknowledged my presence in any way. In some ways, I wasn’t too surprised. In other ways, I was shocked. It wasn’t hard to seem me, I was even trying to make eye contact with people I knew. Nothing. So, I’ve been thinking about the implications of that this past week.

One, how do I come across to the people I know? Talking about the situation, someone commented that, knowing that I am an introvert, and do actively seek time by myself, if they were to see me would probably leave me alone. Which was interesting. From my perspective, I seek time to myself in a place other than the caf. Yes, I do go sit by myself sometimes, but I also have no issues with someone I know sitting with me. I just don’t want people feeling ‘sorry’ for me because I’m alone; not people leaving me alone per say. If I truly want to be alone, I make sure I will be left alone. In my room, on a walk outside of JBU, a drive…I have my ways. Anyway, the comment was interesting because it made me wonder what people think of me (not a new question for me, or most people I would suspect). And specifically, do I come across in a way that would make someone question whether or not they would talk to me if they saw me by myself. Interesting…

Do I do that? (Reoccurring question; keep reading)

Another question, how ingrained in our own lives and worlds are we that we miss the world around us. Sitting that day in the caf, I was ‘ignored’ by friend and stranger alike. And by ‘ignored’, I mean no eye contact, no glance in my direction, no talking, nothing. I’m sure people saw me, it’s not as though I was invisible. And I think most of what happened was simply because people were focused on the task at hand: getting food (which is quite important). But, are we so wrapped up in what we are doing that we don’t notice something outside of what affects us? Of course we see people all the time…but do we notice them? Or are we just going through life, and unless it involves us, are we content to just leave them alone?

Do I just walk through life like that?

The sad truth is, I don’t just wonder if I do; I know I do.

I have walked passed so many people, and completely ‘ignored’ them.

I have seen people I know, and made no effort to go out of my way to say anything to them.

Even to close friends.

Why?

Is my life so important that I can’t deviate my planned course for one minute to say ‘hi’? Am I too comfortable in my own life, that I don’t want to step out a bit and interact?

So, taking such questions into consideration, I tried to be at least a little bit different this week. I slowed down a bit as I gathered my food from the different stations. I looked at people. Not in the way that ignores their presence, but actually noticing they exist. Making eye contact. Talking to people.

It’s interesting, even trying to make eye contact, few people do. I have been trying to catch people’s glances as they walk by, and some do, and some act like they don’t want to admit that I am even there. But, if nothing else, hopefully I haven’t acted the same way.

Why? Why is this even important?

Because, I think friendships have value. People have value. To just walk by with my head down, or avoid eye contact, is to treat a person in a way that doesn’t dignify them with that value that they have. I don’t think that’s right.

The other night, I was working through some personal issues I have with my friendships. I’m going to be open here, this is something I work through a lot. The details aren’t important, but basically I was dealing with feeling left out. Somehow I seem to do this a lot. For unjustified reasons, I use pointless examples to convince myself that I have been left out, and that people don’t care about me. It’s a lie, I know it’s a lie, yet I buy into it again and again. It’s the trivial things usually too, things that no one intends to mean anything at all. Yet, being the over-analytical person I am, I read into them. Some days it might even be walking down a side walk, and feeling completely non-existent as people walk by.

It’s a weakness that I am having to turn over to God, bit by bit, piece by piece. I wish I didn’t go through this, that I would learn. Yet, it draws me closer to God. The only place I know to go with that frustration and that insecurity, is to God. And every time, every time, he picks me up.

In fact, he did the other night. Something had happened, or more accurately, hadn’t happened for me, and so I was struggling with feeling left out. A danger this leads me to sometimes, is to not care about the friends I do have—after all, if I feel like they don’t care about me, why should I keep working to have the friendship? (selfish, yes; wrong, yes; yet I have this question go through my head time and time again) So, that was the place I was at. I prayed a simple prayer: “God, highlight the important friendships in my life; I question how much people value my friendship, show me people that do.”

In the past 26 hours since I have prayed that prayer, here is what has happened. Somehow, my feelings of ‘aloneness’ and feeling left out completely disappeared. The issue that had caused this in the first place, well it’s still there, but I think I view it in a correct light. Not only that, but multiple situations, little things, have happened since then, answering my prayer so well. Just one example. Right after, almost literally, praying that prayer, something happened. I was sitting in a secluded corner of Walker, only a few people were there. I had wanted to be in the prayer closet, but it was occupied, so I chose a corner of the student center for myself. I had my Bible and an iPod. I was in my own world as I could be. A friend of mine came in at the other end of the building, proceeded to head towards the dorms, but he noticed me. And he stopped, changed directions completely, and came to my table to say ‘hi’. I don’t even remember the conversation, it probably lasted a minute at the most. But that single event meant a lot to me. God answered my prayer in that simple action. My friend may never even know what that meant to me. He wasn’t trying to affect me in any way, only to talk a bit. I had enough value to him in that moment to justify a change in his plans to interact with me.

So, where I’m at right now is asking the question, how do I convey to the people around me that they have value, and that I recognize that? What are the simple things I can do to show that, because it is often the simple things that say the most.

I fail at this in 101 different ways. But I hope to fail only 100 ways next week, and 99 ways the next. God will certainly have to show me this again and again. I will have prayers exactly like that again. I will feel alone and left out again. I’ll be guilt of the exact same ‘ignoring’ other people again. And each time, hopefully by God’s grace, I will be a little better. It seems worth it to me, even if I still feel like I go through the same basic issue again and again. The steps may seem insignificant, almost non existent. But better to take them than to never try at all.

After my people watching experience (which, by the way was NOT one of my ‘feeling left out’ situations), I think this may be something a lot of people could be better at. Imagine what could change if those small, insignificant decisions were made to actually notice people.

What if we walked down the sidewalk and looked at people, instead of at our feet?

What if we, as we rush through the lines of the caf, we take note of the people around us? Nothing extraordinary, just eye contact and a smile. It says a lot.

What if, instead of focusing on the next place we need to be, we take a moment to go out of our way to say ‘hi’ to someone?

What if we just tried to show that we care?

These are the questions I ask. These are the answers I am trying to find. Do you?

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
5 Comments »

avatar

Interaction

January 11, 2009 in Relationships & Dating

Well, I’m writing again. In case you haven’t gathered, I’ve had a lot of thoughts on my mind. Trust me, I am hardly out of thoughts either. But this is something I really feel I need to write about. It’s a different subject than my past few blogs. In all honesty, it is not really something I cared to publish—I’d really be happy to keep it to myself and the pages of my digital journal. But I know I’m not the only one who thinks about such things, so I’ll share my perspective. It may not be right, in fact I’m sure there are things I have wrong. But one of the values of people sharing their perspective is that it helps you clarify your own thoughts. I am most grateful to the people I know who share their thoughts in blogs or notes (and you are more than welcome to make your blog known/tag me in such writings). So I share.

My chosen subject is…sexuality. Since our chapel speaker during ‘relationship enrichment week’—or whatever we call it—I have been thinking about it. Which probably sounds potentially very weird and wrong. But I think it is a subject that is avoided because of that. Even so, if it makes you feel better we could say ‘gender identity’ or ‘male/female roles’ or ‘male/female interaction and attraction’ if that makes you feel better. My thoughts specifically are on boy/girl relationships, and our own understanding of ourselves, particularly as a single individual.

I think there is a tendency to avoid the subject, because it is rather uncomfortable. We just don’t like to talk about it. Or even think about it—or at least I don’t. It’s easier to try to forget that it exists in my life, and what it mean, than it is to deal with it.

Now, so as to be clear, I’m not talking about physical sexuality…having sex, or even just physical touch between the genders. I’m sure much more could be said about that. No, I really want to focus on the interaction of men and women of college age.

For one thing, I think we have this tendency to pretend like we are really ‘looking’ and just want friendship. And of course that is a reasonable—and achievable—desire and goal. But let’s be honest, at this age, unless you are already married or almost so, every single member of the opposite sex could potentially be a spouse. Now perhaps you are thinking that there are SOME who you would never want to marry—which proves my point. The very fact you could single out individuals who you would or would not consider as a spouse means you have thought of it. Now this doesn’t mean you can’t ‘just be friends’ with someone, and I would argue that you should try to do that. But it does mean, I think it would be healthy to admit that you are ‘keeping your eyes open’. And then, of course, there is the whole ‘like’ thing.

You know when you ‘like’ someone. You see them and your day is better. You like being around them. You are ‘interested’. Really ‘like’ is a horrible word for what we mean here, after all it means so many different things “A is like B”, and of course the excellent filler-word “so, like, what are we talking about here?” But nonetheless, I will use it anyway, because it does have the meaning of ‘liking’ a person (boy/girl). ‘Interested’ might also be a good word. This seems pretty universally understood. But I think it’s still hard because there seem to be a lot of different ‘stages’ to liking a person. Like (ha) I said, I have ‘liked’ plenty of girls, but some more than others. It’s not a simple black and white think (I like her, or I don’t like her), but rather it seems to be a gradient scale, with each ‘like’ being different from the other ‘likes’. Anyway, enough of the scale thing…at its core, when you ‘like’ a person—while that may be different each time and depending on the person—you think about them more than other people (here is the scale thing: sometimes a little more than other people, and sometimes they are pretty much all you think about), get that special jittery feeling when you are around them, and yeah, just ‘like’ them.

This summer, as I was sorting through my views on dating—and what I wanted it to look like for me, I made the decision to do ‘coffee dates’. That is, informal, casual ‘dates’ with my female friends. Nothing romantic implied, just a chance to hang out and talk. For one thing, I really prefer talking with someone one-on-one verses a group setting, or at least a small group, with just 3 or 4 people. Anyway, for me it marked a conscience decision to become better friends with the girls I knew. Thus, while I only did a handful of actual ‘coffee dates’, because of the decision to approach my female friendships that way, I pursued ‘just friendship’ in many other settings of college life. In other words, I made a decision that I wanted to be better friends with a few of the girls I knew, so I decided to do that. Coffee dates were the key to that, but almost a symbol really. Or a gateway. Something like that.

Anyway, where I was going with that….I’m really glad I made that decision. Rather than a much more distant kind of friendship I felt like I had before, I actually gained some good female friends. I wouldn’t change that at all.

But there is an interesting thing I’ve noticed. When I made that decision, I think I expected to view those friendships in a ‘platonic’ way. That is, before this summer, I found myself ‘liking’ girls and going through all the ‘could this be the one?’ questions that I think everyone goes through. So, when I decided to pursue good friendships, I guess I expected to view those friendships, as just that, friendships—with none of the ‘liking’ thing. Don’t get me wrong, I still thought I’d like girls—something would be wrong if I didn’t—but I did think it would change my focus. I didn’t think I would get caught up in being even somewhat interested in someone. Just be friends, and perhaps in time that would change. Ha. Yeah, that was a nice thought.
To my surprise, I found that nothing really changed. Cursed male hormones continued to keep me thinking ‘what if she’s the one?’ This idea, shift of thought, was suppose to make my life easier! It was suppose to change the focus from being on trying to date—or get to a point of dating—to just a simple friendship. I’m not saying I was head-over-heals all the time, but there was at least some part of me that often felt suspiciously happy around a given girl. As I said, there are definitely different stages of ‘like’ and most of the time it was easy to relegate my ‘likings’ to a dusty corner and just ignore the feelings because they weren’t anything too major.

Even so, I do think having a different perspective on my friendships with girls has been a good thing. And while it didn’t remove the attractions I would feel towards certain females, it did shift my focus. I realized ‘liking’ someone didn’t have to mean anything romantic, but maybe was just a reason to get to know them better. Especially since that ‘type’ of ‘liking’ seems to be especially volatile. Such feelings can come and go frequently, and without much rhyme or reason. Seems better to me to just keep a steady friendship. In time, even without a lot of personal experience, I think those feelings can become more serious. The ‘like’ goes to a stage that is clearly something more than a friendship. Or at least something that could be.

So, in sum I guess I would say I’ve come to realize several things: One, I seem to like girls, and I don’t seem to be able to become good friends with a girl, without at some point in time, becoming at least mildly ‘interested’ in her or asking that ‘what if she’s the one?’ question. Second, realizing the last point, and choosing to just let it be and pursue meaningful friendship regardless of attraction. Third, that pursuing that meaningful friendship is very fulfilling—we are made for interaction with the opposite sex (confusing though they may be), pursing that interaction in a healthy way is rewarding.

Just my continuing thoughts over the past few months. Don’t freak out. If you don’t agree, tell me why. I’m still trying to figure all this out. In the meantime, I intend to continue pursuing my friendships.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
1 Comment »

avatar

What a Joy Friendship Is

December 23, 2008 in Relationships & Dating

I have been thinking a lot lately about friendship, and how we interact with each other. I started to write a blog the other day on it, but it became muddled down in defining friendship, so I relegated it to simply another entry in my growing electronic journal. However, after more time to ponder it in my head, and with a blank ‘page’, I start again.

Trying to understand friendship is hard. It is a broad subject, and there are so many complexities to it. The one that has been on my mind a lot lately, is interaction. It came up in a conversation I was having recently. Part of my personality is that I am an introvert. That doesn’t mean anti-social, but it does mean people—big groups especially—are ‘draining’ rather than ‘recharging’ to me. But it has another implication: I find myself too often using my introverted, quietness as a reason to avoid interaction with people.

It’s not that I don’t talk to people, or my friends. Or that I always want to be quiet. But I do find that some days, I don’t want to go out of my way to interact with my friends. An example…I was in the mac lab not too long ago working on a project of mine. I was facing away from the door, so I couldn’t see anyone walk in. Well, I finished up my project, and started to leave. As I was walking out the door, I saw a couple of my friends working, they didn’t see me, so I just kept on going. But I started to wonder, why? Why did I keep walking, when I could have spent just a couple of minutes to say hi and see what they were up to. I had nothing going on, no hurry, yet I didn’t want to make the effort to interact with them.

That isn’t an isolated example, either. I find myself on a regular basis passing up some simple interaction with the people around me. Like I said, it’s not that I never try to talk to people, or never go out of my way to do so, but sometimes I’d just rather keep to myself. And for what reason? I am good about taking deliberate time to myself, so it’s not as though I need the quiet time. Plus, I know it really blesses me when I know people have gone out of their way to just say hi to me. Why don’t I try harder to do the same?

Why do I even think this is important? I think because it is simply one more way we can value our friends. I am incredibly grateful for the people God has placed in my life. I have the privilege of having some very good, close friends. As such, I think I do them a disservice when I am content to simply keep to myself ; I don’t think staying in my own world, when it would be so easy to say ‘hi’, is the mark of a good friend. And if I want to truly be a good friend, I ought to be better at interacting with people.

So, part of my resolve to pursue good, meaningful friendships, is being willing to push myself outside of my own box sometimes, and say ‘hi’ or ‘how are you’, and start a conversation. Instead of letting a friend of mine walk a few paces ahead of me as I go to class, I want to make the extra effort to try and talk with them. Sometimes it’s the little things like that, that really stand out in a friendship.

Yet another aspect of this…compliments. I was reading a note by a friend of mine tonight, talking about reading old yearbook comments from high school and what people thought. While I don’t have a high school yearbook, I can relate. A high school program I was in had a tradition where every participant left some kind of remark or note for graduating seniors. I still have those, and they mean a lot to me. But it makes me ask another question: how good am I at complimenting my friends? It seems to me that part of the significance of old yearbook comments, or notes from old friends, is having a way to remember what people like about you…or maybe even something you needed to work on.

Compliments are special. It doesn’t really matter who it is, when someone compliments me—as long as it is sincere—it means something to me. I remember it for a long time, and ‘store’ it in my memories. But, sometimes those words are forgotten with the passing of time. I guess that is why having an old yearbook, or written compliments is nice. You can look back, and see a glimpse of who you were, and who you are.

Well, I digress into a discussion of why it means something. Really my point was that compliments are nice. And maybe as a part of valuing our friends, we should be better about issuing compliments. Maybe not always even the ones that would make a yearbook comment, even just simple everyday ones are good.

There are many ways I could go on about this, but hopefully my point is clear. I want to value the friends around me. I want to be good about doing and saying things that send a message that I care about them as a person. God loves and cares for each human, and consequently, each of my friends. My quest is to be able, to the best of my limited human capability, to be a human reminder of that love of God. One of the great mysteries of the Christian faith is that God chooses to work through weak human vessels. He doesn’t need us, but he chooses to use us as a part of his plan. Doing so grows our own faith; of that I am convinces. But maybe he uses us to reveal a bit of himself to the people around us. Maybe we are, at times, human reminders to others about God’s love and care for them.

If so, then it seems to me that valuing my friends—through simple interaction, compliments, hugs, and maybe even just a smile—would seem to be one of the most important things I can do. Not by my own strength, but by the grace and strength of the Heavenly Father, perhaps so. It’s not simple, or easy, but it is the joy of friendship.

Tags: , , , , , ,
No Comments »

← Previous Entries